I got the same answers…
“If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.”
“When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.”
“Light travels faster than sound. Isn’t that why people appear bright before you hear them speak? ”
"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.”
"Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.”
"If warm air rises, Heaven could be hotter than Hell.”
"Always try to be modest, and be proud of it!”
"The early bird may get the worm, but it’s the second mouse who gets the cheese.”
"A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.”
"Always remember you’re unique, just like everyone else”
"The sooner you fall behind, the more time you’ll have to catch up.”
When I die (and yes, Melissa, that day will come; and yes, Melissa, everything’s in your name), I want my funeral to be a huge showbiz affair with lights, cameras, action. I want Craft services, I want paparazzi and I want publicists making a scene! I want it to be Hollywood all the way. I don’t want some rabbi rambling on; I want Meryl Streep crying, in five different accents. I don’t want a eulogy; I want Bobby Vinton to pick up my head and sing ‘Mr. Lonely.’ I want to look gorgeous, better dead than I do alive. I want to be buried in a Valentino gown and I want Harry Winston to make me a toe tag. And I want a wind machine so that even in the casket my hair is blowing just like Beyonce’s.– Joan Rivers, who passed away on the 4th September 2014.
"Oh, to be toilet paper, that I might touch that cheek."
"Do you wipe your bum at us, sir?"
“No, sir, I do not wipe my bum at you, sir, but I wipe my bum, sir.”
"Diarrhea on both your houses!"
"How silver-sweet sound lovers’ toots by night,
Like the softest music to attending ears.”
(from the Tumblr community)
Via I Raff I Ruse