It's Funny Cos It's True!

So which category did you fall under?

What’s in a word?

I tried this. Well up to item three, after which I started to become hungry; for some reason I had a craving for cake…

Look it up yourself, I’m busy….

Look it up yourself, I’m busy….

Introducing the new “Naturist Barbie”

Barbie has decided that she should celebrate in her natural state - and what a fabulous state that is!

How could any Ken or GI Joe resist Barbie’s gorgeous, fabricated curves, her plastic boobs, seamless vagina and completely hairless body?

With her friends she is enjoying the sun and lucky for her she can’t ever get sunburned - her skin is SPF30,000!

Comes with nothing but a beach towel - after all we wouldn’t want Barbie to scratch her smooth, hardened surface…

Number twenty-three in a new series of reality Barbie’s.

I would have said that.

(Source: sizvideos)

Only Some Guys Will Understand

I’ll have to find someone to validate this…I don’t get it…

Don’t complain; he could’ve stood you on your head and used you as a vase…

Don’t complain; he could’ve stood you on your head and used you as a vase…

Private School Dilemma

According to a news report, a certain private school was recently faced with a unique problem. A number of 12-year-old girls were beginning to use lipstick and would put it on in the bathroom.

That was fine, but after they put on their lipstick they would press their lips to the mirror leaving dozens of little lip prints.

Every night, the maintenance man would remove them and the next day, the girls would put them back. Finally the principal decided that something had to be done. She called all the girls to the bathroom and met them there with the maintenance man. She explained that all these lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian who had to clean the mirrors every night.

To demonstrate how difficult it had been to clean the mirrors, she asked the maintenance man to show the girls how much effort was required. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet, and cleaned the mirror with it. Since then, there have been no lip prints on the mirror.

There are teachers, and then there are educators …

And rubbing them together is pointless to make a fire…but not totally pointless…

Match of the Millennium

The crowds were gathering on mount Olympus to watch a football match between the gods and the mortals.

As the teams ran out onto the pitch, the manager of the mortals asked the manager of the gods, “who’s that character that’s half-human and half-horse?”

"Oh," replied the god’s manager, "that’s our centaur forward."

Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

"A girl phoned me the other day and said, ‘Come on over. There’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home."

"I’m a bad lover. I once caught a peeping tom booing me."

"When I was a kid I got no respect. The time I was kidnapped, and the kidnappers sent my parents a note they said, ‘We want five thousand dollars or you’ll see your kid again.’"

"I went to a gay bar, they wanted proof of sex so I showed them; they said it wasn’t enough."

"My cousin’s gay; in school while other kids were dissecting frog, he was opening flies."

It’s funny ‘cos it’s true!

It’s funny ‘cos it’s true!

Groucho Marx Quotes

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife."

"She got her good looks from her father. He’s a plastic surgeon."

"I once shot an elephant in my pyjamas. What he was doing in my pyjamas, I’ll never know."

"I don’t like the way you run this ship. Why don’t you move over and let your wife drive for a while?"

"Do you suppose I could buy back my introduction to you?"

"I never forget a face but in your case I might make an exception."

Hmmmm…O….Kay….. What am I going to do with this?…. Maybe if I stay perfectly still it might go away….

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